A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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