a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
