Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize