can u get pink eye on your cock?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
