i just had sex bonerless
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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