The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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