your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
