I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
