Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
