I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
