I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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