Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
