we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
