i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
