somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
