whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
