I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
