I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's like heaven, but drunker
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
