i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
