So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
