I checked into jail on foursquare
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
