The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
