I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Randomize
