happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
