just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
