Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
