If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
