Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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