I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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