wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
