first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
