I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
