What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
