Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
