Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
