I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
