Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
