Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
