the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
