i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
