I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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