i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
