ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dick very happy bro
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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