Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
