Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
