we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
