the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
