and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
