just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize