He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
