Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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