Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
