I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
