I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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