3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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