dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize