If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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