I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
