i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
