remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
