you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
4 words: hood of his car
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
