I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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