Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Randomize
