Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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