His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
