sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
