You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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