The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
